The Perfect Relationships Don’t Allow Us to Stay the Same

We can spend so much time wishing our partners were different, complaining to ourselves that they’re not responsible enough, they don’t make sense to us, they’re unable to be who we need them to be. Or they simply drive us nuts with how they chew their food or take too long to put their shoes and socks on.

All our relationships have deep potential for growth and learning. And the intimate ones count for way more because they’re more potent and there are fewer boundaries to keep us in check with our behaviour. So more of us gets revealed quite naturally.

The more intimate the relationship, the more unfiltered, the more raw we are. And this intimacy is extreme fertile ground: for wounding, for joy, for rage and for beauty.

What if we could birth a new narrative for relationships?

What if a relationship is a sacred learning ground that is designed by our less obvious, more powerful heart and mind—  and that provides us with the exact curriculum for our learning in this life?

If we had this in mind when we argued, how might it go differently? If we respected the choices we make as to who gets to spend time with us as intelligence beyond the telling, what would we say to ourselves when the pain hits and we feel trapped and choice-less?

Next time your partner or child opens up sacred ground (i.e. drives you nuts / annoys you / irritates you / does something you think is crazy, etc.), what if you could feel into the sacred ground of their actions? Can you sense the situation demanding that you grow, and have a conversation about it—a really honest conversation— with someone you trust?

Perhaps then we may not feel alone or helpless anymore. We can share and feel the relief of connection, reach beyond the four walls of our sometimes emotionally prison-like homes, and be in contact about this shame-riddled subject with our much loved friends.

Frankly and most probably, those friends will be deeply relieved that they are not the only ones in that sacred, fertile, and sometimes very scary ground. Sharing these experiences helps us know we are not alone; rather, we are all learning lessons and growing together and because of one another.

Lizzie is a coach and NVW faculty member based in London. More of her writing can be found here

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